If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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