Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
