why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
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