I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
