Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
