haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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