peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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