Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
