Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize