I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
