We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
We left the knife in your bed.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
