He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I just want nice things and good sex
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
