never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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