I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize