Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
My life is pants optional.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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