If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
