I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I supernannyed him into submission
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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