Christians are straight up FREAKS
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
