4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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