i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
