I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
