You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
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