I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize
