I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
