I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize