Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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