You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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