her vagine was all disorganized.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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