took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
