you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
