the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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