After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
