Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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