i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
