This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
