Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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