I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
