what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I look excited, but its just a facade.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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