i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
