Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
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