This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
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