I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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