i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
