do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
