i'm lost and i look like a hooker
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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