She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
