thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
