Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
