I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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