Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
