honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Randomize
