i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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