You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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