I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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