The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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