i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
