I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize