Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
