i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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