Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
