I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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