maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
