Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
