I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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