Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Slut skills are useful in every country.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize