She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
