i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Randomize
