it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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