they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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