you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
